A mama moment

I went to preschool with my kid at 10.30 am. I left at 11.00 pm. In the space of 30 minutes my confidence in myself as a good mom, and in my kid as a normal healthy happy baby was ripped to shreds. 

I came home convinced that my kid was a naughty, restless, stupid child and that I had let him turn into a hooligan. All the other kids were talking, colouring, interacting with the teachers while my wild child was ignoring everyone and hiding in my lap. Yes, he doesn't speak much, barring a few words. Yes he doesn't know how to colour, he likes reading instead. Yes he ignores the teachers, and if I'm not in the room, he howls. Yes, he is the one who 'hasn't settled yet'. 

I came home depressed, angry and took it out on my son who had no idea what he had done wrong. There were slaps and tears. I was pissed off at everyone and myself the most. 

Then my mama called me. 

She told me that two of my sisters had trouble adjusting as well. That being a mother, there will be times when my child will be judged by others, and that I have to be the one helping him stand, not knocking him down because of my insecurity of 'what will people think'. She said that my son is a normal, healthy, happy baby and at I should never doubt him or myself. She told me my son is a blessing from God, since my hubs and I thought we couldnt have kids. She told me I'm a good mother. 

I needed to hear that so much. And when it comes from a woman who has raised four daughters, and three grandchildren. Who has raised me. She is the best of me. If I am half the mother my mama is, I will be happy. 

Love you mama.