God, could I be more pathetic than this? Sitting in front of laptop, listening to Dido, and about to note down on this blog all my deepest insecurities which usually result in me feeling really sorry for myself, which then leads to chocolate binges and lots of online shopping.
Actually, online shopping sounds pretty damn good right now...
Anyhoos. I don't even know how my mood suddenly soured. Actually, I do know. Its called envy, that God-awful green eyed monster who no one wants to admit is lounging in their head, making every single damn thing not f***ing good enough. Allow me to explain. Lets say you've just had an awesome time, or you are hanging out with mates, or you've just gone shopping and picked up some darling things. However, when someone else who you don't really like end up doing the same thing, or getting something better, or is just having a good time, you feel resentful. You don't want them to have fun or do the same things you are doing because damn it its your scene, your shopping, your friends, NOT THEIRS. Who the hell are they? What the f*** are they even there in the first place? Actually, i don't think this comes under the definition of envy. It is more along the lines of.... possessiveness? Whatever it is, its not nice at all.
Damn I sound like a spiteful shrew. And that, dear ones, is the damn problem. Being self-aware of one's flaws is a real drag. You know you are being a nasty awful cow and you just can't help yourself. You try really hard to be chill and relaxed with said irritating individual but it sticks in your throat. I can't fake niceness.
I'm actually debating as to whether I sound even publish this post. Oh well. F*** it.
Later
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