Today I find myself trawling through various websites of domestic goddesses such as Nigella Lawson and, of course, Martha Stewart. These women all seem to have tons of spare time during which they churn out copious amounts of awesome food, which they create in their disgustingly gorgeous kitchens. Said kitchens are spotless, with expensive-ass appliances, fabulous marble-top counters, and huge pantries which are filled with things which my pantry hasn't even heard of, let alone seen (on a side note: people, who the hell keeps tahini, vanilla bean paste, Moroccan spice mixes, and dried mushrooms in their pantry?).
I have come to the conclusion that such women are either; evil pod people, or ....ummm.....just evil pod people. I mean, come on! Who has a craft room? Who neatly lines up all the ingredients for a meal in attractive, decorative bowls etc and then artistically mixes, blends and purees to perfection? Some days, all I can do is sit in my pyjamas and trawl through take-away meals, while eating dry cereal. Who looks as bloody gorgeous as Nigella while chopping vegetables, de-boning chicken, and rubbing spice mix into steak? If any of my non-existent readers do, I hate you...:P
Anyhoos, such women just make the rest of us females look pretty damn bad. Henceforth, I will aim to be the living embodiment of everything that Martha Stewart is not. For starters, I am not a felon, and will hopefully never be one. I will never have a craft room, I will never make cupcakes (couldn't make them even if I wanted to), I will never have or do a "good thing". Ok, that last bit was really weird.
All women, unite under the banner of "domestic Goddesses can kiss my $%#$%#"!!!!!
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